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Smallville: What I noticed about Crossfire - tasabian [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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Smallville: What I noticed about Crossfire [Nov. 4th, 2009|08:37 pm]
tasabian
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I think there's a SERIOUS conspiracy going on here, for reals! (Spoilers for "Crossfire" and "Kandor" inside.)



In this scene, Clark is about to be handed a microphone and I went: "Whoa! Unexpected Oliver!" It's not actually Oliver but he looks remarkably similar...

Not!Oliver calls Clark "Big Boy"and leers at him.

And then does this, which is somehow weird and phallic. Hand at crotch-level, why?


So...one Oliver lookalike isn't a conspiracy, but look who's coming up next week in "Kandor". This is Jor-El? We've seen Clark's daddy and he was not a rangy, spiky-haired blond.

I think this is an older Oliver from the future who has come back in time to mess with Clark's head, I really do.

Argh! That's Clark's dildo and Lex's purple testicle thingy. Stop playing with precious Clex artifacts, time-traveling Oliver!

Soon every SV role that's not Clark will be filled by Oliver. "I'm all around you, Clark. You can't escape me. "


Oh, and "Crossfire" also had Tess killing this bald guy to prove she is more bad-ass than he was. I am suspicious of that symbolism!


We are not amused.


'caps by kryptonsite & smallville PH.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: polytikal
2009-11-05 02:43 am (UTC)
You never fail to make SV gayer than it already is.

<3
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 02:54 am (UTC)
That is by far the nicest compliment I have ever received! ♥ ♥ ♥
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[User Picture]From: miss_tress
2009-11-05 02:52 am (UTC)
Argh! That's Clark's dildo and Lex's purple testicle thingy. Stop playing with precious Clex artifacts, time-traveling Oliver!

*claps hands over nose and mouth in a vain attempt to not spray water all over everything* HEEEEEEEEEE!
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 02:59 am (UTC)
Thank you! I HAD to speak up. How else can we resist the Army of Oliver, conquering SV one moussed blond at a time!
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[User Picture]From: jeannev
2009-11-05 03:21 am (UTC)
LMAO. You so funny! I love to see SV through your very unique vision.

I love Sands. I do. But as Jor-El? When they already told us how much Clark resembles his father. Really show?

Hopefully, it will be very gay. Maybe with lots of Zod/Jor-El innuendo.
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 03:32 am (UTC)
Well, thank you!

Hopefully, it will be very gay. Maybe with lots of Zod/Jor-El innuendo.
JS generally manages to sex up his roles, I just wish he had a prettier caftan -it's not very flattering. I get the feeling that Callum B. will happily move right into both JS and TW's personal spaces. CB's quite a bit shorter than Tom so that should mean Zod will be tilting his head upwards to take in all that Clark-beauty.

If Zod pokes Clark in the ass like he did Tess, instant A+ grade from me.

But as Jor-El? When they already told us how much Clark resembles his father. Really show?
I feel we are being denied a two Toms episode; I always like those.
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[User Picture]From: tariel22
2009-11-05 03:27 am (UTC)
I think you're definitely on to something here! And I wish I could watch Smallville at your house, it would be even more fun!!

Not!Oliver calls Clark "Big Boy"and leers at him.

I loved that, especially since you know in RL that actor has got to be in complete awe of Tom.

And then does this, which is somehow weird and phallic. Hand at crotch-level, why?

I didn't know there was anything in the tube at first. I was asking myself, what is he doing? Does he want a sample?!

I think this is an older Oliver from the future who has come back in time to mess with Clark's head, I really do.

Ever since we saw the first promo pics from Kandor I've been saying Jor-El looks more like Oliver's dad than Clark's. I love that you came up with an explanation for the resemblance! You're always way more imaginative and entertaining than the people who write this show!

Argh! That's Clark's dildo and Lex's purple testicle thingy. Stop playing with precious Clex artifacts, time-traveling Oliver!

HAHAHAHA!! Maybe he's explaining what SHOULD have happened the night the Fortress collapsed around the boys.

Oh, and "Crossfire" also had Tess killing this bald guy to prove she is more bad-ass than he was. I am suspicious of that symbolism!

Yeah, I was wondering why he had to be bald myself. I agree with Lex! Boo, Smallville!

I love seeing Smallville through your eyes. I'm so glad you still watch and treat us to your wonderful observations!
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 03:48 am (UTC)
And I wish I could watch Smallville at your house, it would be even more fun!!
And even louder - I talk to the screen quite a bit, We could provide our own commentary: "Clark, isn't it time for some more scrapbooking and perhaps a shirtless reverie in the garden?"

I've been saying Jor-El looks more like Oliver's dad than Clark's. I love that you came up with an explanation for the resemblance! You're always way more imaginative and entertaining than the people who write this show!
You're too kind! One has to wonder if one of the SV casting people is so Justin-smitten that he or she pays him tribute in the form of look-alikes. More Olivers, everywhere!

I loved that, especially since you know in RL that actor has got to be in complete awe of Tom.
I'm not sure if that actor is even acting...I can leer convincingly at Tom and I'm not an actor!

Maybe he's explaining what SHOULD have happened the night the Fortress collapsed around the boys.
OMIGOSH, you're so right! This is Clark getting the Kryptonian sex talk at long last!

Yeah, I was wondering why he had to be bald myself. I agree with Lex! Boo, Smallville!
Dawnybee pointed out that bald guy was very Billy Zane-esque so perhaps they intended BZ commentary...or else Michael gently sidestepped the latest invitation to return & someone is pouting. At least, real!bald!guy is a step up from fake!Lex.

I'm so glad you still watch and treat us to your wonderful observations!
Aw ♥ ♥ ♥ I'm so indebted to you for giving me a proper review to get me up to speed, and clip links as well. "Big boy" made me so happy - someone should call Clark that every single episode.
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[User Picture]From: whimsywinx
2009-11-05 03:27 am (UTC)
You may seriously be on to something here.
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 03:36 am (UTC)
I know, right? Oliver's going to take over the world and by the time Clark realizes it, it'll be too late! Save him, Lex!
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[User Picture]From: gildinwen
2009-11-05 03:40 am (UTC)
LMAO!!!! I have to agree I don't understand how Helen Slater and Julian Sands produced Tom Welling. Maybe Kryptonian genetics are different and having a baby that's brunette and looks like Tom is rarity? See he's very special and precious baby!!!!
*huggles him*

And I was not amused by the fact we didn't see Tess take out the Kandorian either, and apparently neither is Lex. But give up Ollie, you will never replace Lex in Clark's heart!!!!
*waves CLex banner proudly*
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 03:50 am (UTC)
I have to agree I don't understand how Helen Slater and Julian Sands produced Tom Welling. Maybe Kryptonian genetics are different and having a baby that's brunette and looks like Tom is rarity? See he's very special and precious baby!!!!
Now I want to hear Jor-El deliver that exact speech!

And I was not amused by the fact we didn't see Tess take out the Kandorian either, and apparently neither is Lex. But give up Ollie, you will never replace Lex in Clark's heart!!!!
Nor in Clark's bed, you shameless blond hussy! *waves Clex banner also*
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 03:52 am (UTC)
Did you really think they could afford more than Terrance Stamp's voice? ;)
Alas, no. But Tom played Young Jor-El in "Relic" so I was hoping for Tom X 2...Tom mouthing a TS voiceover would be fabulous! But I'm sure JS will be entertaining too.

When I see Julian Sands all I can think of is *shudder* Boxing Helena.
Eeek, I forgot he was in that. I see JS and think: bugs. (Because of Naked Lunch and Arachnophobia.)
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[User Picture]From: dawnybee
2009-11-05 04:29 am (UTC)
Oh, and "Crossfire" also had Tess killing this bald guy to prove she is more bad-ass than he was. I am suspicious of that symbolism!

Hey, I didn't notice that!! Just because he placed one measly piece of spyware in her eye!

Argh! That's Clark's dildo and Lex's purple testicle thingy. Stop playing with precious Clex artifacts, time-traveling Oliver!

He's catching up on that much missed father/son bonding time and is teaching Kal-El about sex. He's showing Kal-El how to stick his blue dildo into Lex's purple thingy. Foolish, absent Jor-El doesn't realize, duh, Clark's been there, done that. A lot.

I think this is an older Oliver from the future who has come back in time to mess with Clark's head, I really do.

You know, I would love that. I would love if this was some mega twist and that Oliver joined the ranks of the Kandorian army and this is his future self coming to the past to stop Clark before he became such a hero. It makes sense, Oliver *is* a cockblocker.

Not!Oliver calls Clark "Big Boy"and leers at him.

Seriously, what man calls another man "big boy" unless he's on the make for him?!
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-05 05:06 am (UTC)
Seriously, what man calls another man "big boy" unless he's on the make for him?!
And it sails right over Clark's innocent head...

I would love if this was some mega twist and that Oliver joined the ranks of the Kandorian army and this is his future self coming to the past to stop Clark before he became such a hero. It makes sense, Oliver *is* a cockblocker.
He's going to go back in time and throw himself into the river before Lex does, to get the jump on Clark mouth-to-mouth, isn't he? Bastard!

He's showing Kal-El how to stick his blue dildo into Lex's purple thingy. Foolish, absent Jor-El doesn't realize, duh, Clark's been there, done that. A lot.
Heh, Clark will be rolling his eyes. (And maybe wiping away a Lex-nostalgic tear..)
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[User Picture]From: myownghost
2009-11-05 12:29 pm (UTC)
this post reminds me of why i loved the earlier seasons of SV! oh, julian sands i've only seen in Room with a View, in which he was incredibly dishy. the blue and purple items, though, are just funny.
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-06 12:24 am (UTC)
the blue and purple items, though, are just funny.
I'm sure they have a Very Serious purpose but that won't stop me from giggling!
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[User Picture]From: christina_kat
2009-11-05 04:19 pm (UTC)
LOL!

Lex's face is hilarious!
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-06 12:24 am (UTC)
Lex has had ENOUGH of Oliver and his lookalikes!
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[User Picture]From: herohunter
2009-11-05 04:25 pm (UTC)
Soon every SV role that's not Clark will be filled by Oliver. "I'm all around you, Clark. You can't escape me. "


BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Oh, JEEZ!! With Helen Whatsername as his mom and Julian "weirdo" Sands as his dad, WHO THE HELL does Clark take after??? He looks NOTHING like his SV parents!!!! Did they adopt him, too????
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-06 12:26 am (UTC)
With Helen Whatsername as his mom and Julian "weirdo" Sands as his dad, WHO THE HELL does Clark take after??? He looks NOTHING like his SV parents!!!! Did they adopt him, too????
Heh, wouldn't that be hilarious? I love the notion that in 25 years Tom Welling will somehow look like Julian Sands. Er, no.
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[User Picture]From: goodvibe
2009-11-05 04:46 pm (UTC)
Heh! I love your observations. I'm onboard for this 'really-oliver-come-from-the-future' theory.

But honestly, I mean whomevers bright idea it was to cast Sands as TW's father? Should basically have his head checked. And what makes it worse is that we've seen Lara now too, so ::how:: did we get Clark?!

Here's another conspiracy theory for ya - maybe the El's adopted too--- ;-)
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-06 12:29 am (UTC)
Here's another conspiracy theory for ya - maybe the El's adopted too--- ;-)
If Zod turns out to be Clark's real father I will die laughing!

But honestly, I mean whomevers bright idea it was to cast Sands as TW's father? Should basically have his head checked. And what makes it worse is that we've seen Lara now too, so ::how:: did we get Clark?!
They were probably looking for a "name" British actor with an affordable price tag...but Sands seems such a peculiar choice. I wonder if his total lack of resemblance to Clark will even be addressed?
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[User Picture]From: complicat
2009-11-05 10:09 pm (UTC)
I don't know what's going on with the blue dildo and the purple ball but it looks filthy. Has Jor-El decided that it's finally time to sit down with Clark and tell him what he should be doing with his dildos?

You know, a plot where Oliver is so jealous because Clark doesn't love him like he loves Lex that he finds a way to come back from the future to split them up doesn't even seem all that deranged for Smallville. Hmm, in fact things did start going really wrong on SV at about the time that Oliver showed up in the first place...I think you could be on to something here!
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[User Picture]From: tasabian
2009-11-06 12:32 am (UTC)
Has Jor-El decided that it's finally time to sit down with Clark and tell him what he should be doing with his dildos?
A serious dildo talk would score high with me, especially if Lex's name comes up.

You know, a plot where Oliver is so jealous because Clark doesn't love him like he loves Lex that he finds a way to come back from the future to split them up doesn't even seem all that deranged for Smallville. Hmm, in fact things did start going really wrong on SV at about the time that Oliver showed up in the first place...I think you could be on to something here!
Blondie's been wreaking havoc for years! But Clark is particular with his man-favours and Oliver isn't getting any!
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