Title: Twelve Minutes
Pairing: Michael/Tom, Jensen/Jared
Warning: RPS is not to everyone's taste. If it's not your thing, please skip this one :)
Disclaimer: Did not happen! No real people! Absolute make-believe from start to finish!
Plot: Why doesn't Jensen reminisce about his Smallville days? Jared wants to know.
There's a forty minute break until the next shot is ready. It's no hardship. Jensen has a book; Jared has a bag of candy in his lap. The key grip stops by to ask Jensen if he remembers filming Smallville at this location.
"I do," says Jensen. "That was a marathon day."
The grip moves on. Jared says:
"You never talk about Smallville."
"Sure I do," says Jensen.
"Not much," says Jared. "And no specific stories. It makes me wonder…"
"Wonder what?" asks Jensen. It comes out sharper than he'd intended.
"If there's a story you haven't told me," says Jared. He bites a gummy worm in half and looks at Jensen under his eyelashes.
"I'm supposed to make shit up to entertain you now?" says Jensen.
"No, I just want the truth," says Jared. "The truth about the time Tom bad-touched you in the make-up trailer! The time Rosey cornered you by the catering trucks! The time you walked in on them-"
Jensen would swear his expression doesn't flicker but Jared doesn't miss a thing.
"AHA! So there was something. I knew it!"
"Shut up," hisses Jensen. "Okay, here's what happened."
It's never easy coming on to an established show. But Jensen already knew Michael, and Tom had rolled out the red carpet for him. When they went for beers, he was invited along. He was quickly included in the ongoing prank wars on set. The first time Jason wore a blazer on the show, Jensen was surprised the pocket handkerchief was so bulky. Until he pulled it out to reveal a pair of men's boxers.
"Michael!" growled Steve, the costume guy.
There were whoopee cushions on his chair (also Michael) and a dozen rubber rats in his trailer (Tom.) Jensen had decided it was time for him to make a move, take things to a higher level.
"Uh oh," says Jared.
It had taken a while to find a "Nut" tin filled with rubber snakes that didn't look like a "Nut" tin filled with rubber snakes. But Jensen managed it. Sneaking the camera into Michael's trailer was no problem – it was Grand Central. Crew members were in and out of there all the time.
"And let me guess…you had already prepared a meticulous diagram of where to hide the camera and place the tin," says Jared.
Jensen shoves him.
"That's not a denial," says Jared.
The diagram worked perfectly. The camera timer was set. Now all was left was for Michael to come back to his trailer, notice the nuts, open the tin and be caught screaming like a girl on camera. Then Jensen would sneak in, retrieve the camera and make copies for the entire cast and crew.
"What actually happened?" asked Jared.
Michael walked into his trailer, scrubbed the remaining make-up off his head, sat on the couch and utterly refused to notice the tin of nuts.
"So you're watching the playback, waiting for something to happen…?"
Tom had come into the trailer and watching hours later, Jensen had leaned forward in anticipation. This…this could work too. Tom going for the nuts could be even funnier, both of them screaming.
"Are you done?" Michael had said. "Can we go?"
Tom shook his head.
"No. James says I'm needed for another two hours, minimum. Sorry, dude."
"No hanging out then?" said Michael. "How long a break do you have right now?"
"Like fifteen minutes," said Tom, then reconsidered. "Probably twelve minutes now."
"We can get a lot done in twelve minutes."
Jensen had assumed this was a joke, that Michael was joking. Maybe it was a joke on him; they'd noticed the camera and decided to punk him. But then Michael put his hand on Tom's chest and-
"Wow," says Jared.
"Yeah, they got going quickly."
"My make-up," warned Tom. "Nathalie will kill me-"
"I'll work around it," said Michael and he had, in ways that had Tom arching off the couch and Jensen leaning in, trying to see things that were happening out of frame. Offscreen, the trailer door rattled.
"Did you lock that?" Tom gasped. His face was flushed.
"Mmmmph," said Michael. His mouth was full.
It was locked. The rattler went away.
"Six minutes," groaned Tom, hands clenched. Michael shifted position. "Oh man…"
The most surreal thing about the video was Jensen suddenly hearing his own voice booming in the distance "You can say that again, Bucky!" while onscreen, Michael was straddling Tom's thighs.
"How did it end?" says Jared, leaning forward.
"How do you think?"
"One Super-Orgasm later," Jared intones, in his best movie voiceover.
"Tom was back on set right on time," Jensen said. "Not a hair out of place. I had no idea the joke had bombed until I snuck back for the camera and watched it at home-"
Jared's eyes narrow:
"How many times did you watch it?"
Jensen looks at him:
"What do you think?"
He hopes his tone conveys shocked virtue. He'd actually lost track after the twentieth watch or so. Which wasn't to say he didn't feel guilty about it, but-
"Do you still have it?" says Jared. "I want to see it."
"No," says Jensen. "Perv."
"Mmm," says Jared. He sets the bag of gummy worms on the grass and looks at Jensen thoughtfully.
"We should go to my trailer," says Jared.
"They'll need us soon." Jensen points out. "We've only got fifteen minutes of break left."
"We'll only need twelve," says Jared.